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daily BS #6: We should care what politicians do with their wanker

Give me a break here people.

Since when does it matter what politicians decide to do in their bedrooms? The scandals that we have been plagued with in the past few years are simply underscoring ridiculous double standards and the growth of the popularity of hypocritical right wing politics - please bring sanity back to this country, and hurry up why don’t you!

Since the founding of America, the most popular and most successful presidents all had at least one rumored extramarital affair. It’s just for the fact that nobody actually stuck their nose in their private affairs that these never made front page news. Even the most favored president of all: JFK. Was he admonished? - - No impeachment, no scandal, a usual day in, the office. How do you think his private escapades would be viewed in today’s climate?

Now, I’m not saying you should run and have an affair - but really, why should I care about what someone does in personal time with another consenting adult. Lets get off the high moral bandwagon here - politics is a corrupt field by any standard - and I would much rather admonish a politician for legislation based on political favors, money laundering and other issues that actually affect me, and the American people. I’ll give you one little example - that somehow was forgotten all too soon - Dick Chaney. But yet - he is still our vice president. Odd, but if he was caught having sex with someone other than his wife - would that get him kicked off the chair - please someone explain this to me.

In case you forgot the Halliburton scandal, let me refresh your memory.

“From 1995–2002, Halliburton Brown & Root Services Corp was awarded at least $2.5 billion but has spent considerably less to construct and run military bases, some in secret locations, as part of the Army’s Logistics Civil Augmentation Program. This contract was a cost plus 13% contract and BRS employees were trained on how to pass GAO audits to ensure maximum profits were attained. It was also grounds for termination in the Balkans if any BRS employee spoke of Dick Cheney being CEO. BRS was awarded and re-awarded contracts termed “non-competitive due to BRS being the only company capable to pull off the missions. DYNACORP actually won the competitively let 2nd contract but never received any work orders in the Balkans. Halliburton utilizes “old boy” hiring methods.”

Old boy hiring methods you say? How about old boys club methods in serving justice in the Supreme Court? Especially rampant in the Republican “club”. Do you still have ANY faith in the justice system when Supreme Court Justice Scalia goes on a duck hunting trip with his long time buddy Cheney, who just happens to be a defendant in a case the Supreme Court has agreed to hear just two weeks earlier. Would this story enrage you any more if you were reminded that

…according to those who met them at the small airstrip… the justice and the vice president flew from Washington on Jan. 5 and were accompanied by a second, backup Air Force jet that carried staff and security aides to the vice president. Two military Black Hawk helicopters were brought in and hovered nearby as Cheney and Scalia were whisked away in a heavily guarded motorcade to a secluded, private hunting camp owned by an oil industry businessman.

The only regret the two showed after this much too friendly weekend, is that there weren’t enough ducks to kill… uhh - what a pity. Yes folks, your tax dollars hard at work, the beauty of democracy. Now, after this scandal broke out, and many called for his stepping down from this case, Scalia, who was under no legal obligation to step down- since Supreme Court Justices are above the law, issues a 21 page memo explaining his decision. The highlight of this memo read as follows:

“A rule that required members of this court to remove themselves from cases in which the official actions of friends were at issue would be utterly disabling,” Scalia wrote.

Many Supreme Court justices get their jobs “precisely because they were friends of the incumbent president or other senior officials,”

Of course, Supreme Court Justices get their jobs - in a democratic country - based on favoritism, not based on prior record or impartiality and holding truth as the ultimate goal - how surprising. At least he has the nerve to admit it. But then why won’t he - his job is guaranteed for life…

Although the Supreme Court eventually sided with the White House in its quest to keep secret the proceedings of Dick Cheney’s energy task force, a new report released in January 2008 shows some dates on which staff members in the vice president’s office allegedly destroyed internal communications correlate with court decisions regarding the task force.

A scandal easily swept under the rug involving oil? Can’t be. No, not in America, right? How may soldiers have died in Iraq? How badly is our economy crashing? Why is this still going on? Oh I don’t know… Oil, money, and corruption maybe? So long as they keep their sexual matters discreet - no impeachment, no stepping down & all is well in moral America.

My oh my! Not a naked woman!!!

Just for fun - here is a photo of the prim and proper politician grinning at something - what is it might you ask - look at the reflection in his sunglasses. (full story & video on cnn). Terrified what this might imply on the otherwise squeaky clean politician (ah ok, a naked woman - oh no) - Friday afternoon the White House released a full resolution photo showing that no naked woman starred in this photo - but instead, it was a fishing rod - well - believe it or don’t - there’s always photoshop…

So - remind me again - why should we care about what politicians do with their wankers?

Are we all just finger puppets playing the power game? Why does this keep happening again and again?

Truth is Stranger than Fiction: What did the parrot say to the mayor?

(Warning - this post has not been cleaned up of foul language, if you have a problem with that, please go visit cleaner pastures).

What did the parrot say to the mayor?

“Fuck off”

What did the parrot say to the priest?

“You can fuck off too”

No, this isn’t some stale joke, but a true exchange from one critical Macaw parrot who apparently has an issue with authority figures. He didn’t stay oblivious to the two policemen in the group and obliged them with a similarly colorful greeting: “And you can fuck off, you wankers.”

You might have heard of Barney the parrot, when these headlines made news back in July, 2005. Since then, Barney, who lives at the Warwickshire Animal Sanctuary, has been given a private pen, and can only be viewed on ‘request’ to avoid any offensive one liners being thrown at unsuspecting visitors.

Geoff Grewcock, the sanctuary’s owner, who says Barney has acquired his rough around the edges language skills from his previous owner, a truck driver, has since been trying to clean up Barney’s vocabulary, by carefully censoring his own speech, having Barney listen to ‘clean radio’ and by having Barney join him nightly for some TV news and documentaries, which he enjoys.

But this clever little bird doesn’t think much of censorship, and is an avid proponent of free speech. He again made the news a few days ago, when unsuspecting Geoff Grewcock discovered Barney had been teaching two other parrots to curse behind his back.  I guess he never gave Barney enough credit to think he could turn language professor in the parrot sanctuary.

According to Grewcock, : “They just sit there swearing at each other now, all kinds of foul language, it’s unbelievable…It sounds like a builders’ yard sometimes when we come in here, with all the abuse flying about.

But Barney is not all that brute, and does have a sweet side. If you give him a cookie, he will bring on his best manners and oblige you with a gracious “thank you”.

Truth is Stranger than Fiction: Romantic proposal sets a gazebo ablaze

Good thing the Chappaqua Fire Chief Andy Metz has a sense of humor.

The New York Times reports that the fire department was summoned early Wednesday morning after reports of a gazebo fire in a Chappaqua NY suburb.

Thursday night, Lawrence Waterhouse III set a romantic atmosphere for his marriage proposal by surrounding his entire house with candles - in the trees and the path leading to the house.  Unfortunately, with all the excitement (we assume she said yes) the couple forgot to put out one candle before leaving the following morning for the airport.

The fire department was not able to save the gazebo, but fortunately, nothing else was damaged.

In the spirit of things, after contacting Mr. Waterhouse at the airport, the fire chief told him there was no reason to turn around, and to continue with his sweetheart on their planned vacation.

Who said romance was dead?  If you too want to make a romantic evening - please use more caution - or at least get some good fire insurance…

Did your proposal bring with a funny outcome?  Share your story with our readers by leaving a comment below.